What If?

A few months ago, my partner and I of 4 and a half years made the decision to end our relationship. It wasn’t an easy decision and on my part especially, I felt a lot of fear. Fear, because I was in the land of the comfortably coupled, and now found myself potentially facing the unknowns of single-dom.

What if I never found someone else again?

What if I had to start over?

What if this is the best I could get?

What if all relationships are like this?

What if I was making a mistake?

What if we could move past this?

What if? What if? What if.

Here is what is.

We can waste years of our lives stuck in the same rut, pondering those possible ‘what if’ scenarios – I know, because I stayed in a relationship that ended at least two years before we officially called it. This is not a grass is greener situation, but one where I ignored multiple red flags (and my gut instinct) to cling onto a relationship because I was afraid of starting over.

In my case, finally making the decision to face the unknowns is the best decision that I have made for myself. I haven’t found the answer to the ‘what if’ questions, but I do know this:

I am happier. My life is fuller. Everyday, I am growing as a person and learning more about myself as an individual. And I have no regrets.

Things may not always turn out for the best, but from each mistake comes a lesson. Perhaps an important ‘what if’ question to ask yourself is: What if I regret this?

As my dear millennials are fond of saying : YOLO (You Only Live Once).

A life filled with some mistakes is better than a life filled with regrets.

Sae xo

Reflections

It’s funny. When I was a kid, I looked forward to being a cool teen.

When I was a (not so cool) teen in high school, I looked forward to life as a university student.

When I was a university student , I looked forward to life as a working professional.

Now that I’m a working professional, I look forward to the day that I can retire.

But I also look back, and miss the times when I was in university.

When I was a teen.

When I was a kid.

Miss it to the point, where if I could turn back the clock, I would. Just so I could revel in it and appreciate that time in my life for what it was.

And it makes me think, will I look back at this point of my life, and wish I was back here?

The answer is most likely yes.

So I should live it, and appreciate it for what it is.

Breathe, Just Breathe

2020… I think most of us would agree that this year has been challenging to say the least. Because, hello? Global pandemic in the form of Covid 19.

It’s been scary, not knowing what is going to happen, not knowing if we, or our loved ones, are going to be affected.

It’s been frustrating, not being able to visit our friends and family. Not having the freedom to move around as we want.

It’s been lonely, not having the face to face social interactions that we as humans crave.

It’s been hopeful, seeing some countries begin to recover.

It’s been enlightening, being forced to slow down in a world that moves at a lightning pace, and actually think.

It’s been a revelation, that the things that we took for granted in the past, some of the most simple pleasures, like giving someone a hug, or spending time with family and friends, or taking a walk around the block, are the things that matter most in life.

It’s been a rollercoaster, as we jump from one emotion to another, as some days things seem to get better, and then other days it seems to go backwards.

But, friends, take a deep breath in. Let it out. And repeat.

This is but a moment in our lives, an experience that will shape us for the better or worse.

Breathe. In. And out. Repeat.

Take this time to be present in the moment.

Because this too shall pass.

Sae xo

 

Grandma

In loving memory of my grandma, who influenced me so much more than she ever knew.

I miss my grandma. She passed away earlier this year, and all I could think about was how I wish that I had spent more time with her, spoken with her, listened to her.

She was an amazingly strong, loving woman – not in the typical sense, and not to say that she didn’t have her flaws. All humans do. But she lived a long life, full of changes, and memories. She left the country that she was born in to come to a whole new place where she didn’t know the culture or speak the language, yet she still managed to thrive and raise her grandkids.

I miss the way she showed her love by telling us to eat more, to wear more clothes to stay warm, to be kinder to our parents. I miss the way she told us to make sure we kept our roots, to not forget Chinese because we are Chinese people.

I wish so much that I could tell her all these things at least once.

I wish so much that she could meet my future husband and kids.

I wish so much that she was still here.

Be kind to your elders, folks. Tell them how much you love them, and better yet show them.

Spend time with them, talk to them, listen to them.

They have so much wisdom, life lessons and love to give.

-Sae xo