Happy

When I was 22 years old, I got my first “proper” boyfriend.

When I was 26 years old, I experienced my first “proper” heartache.

At 27 and a half years old, I realised; life has no “proper” timeline.

Ever since I was a young girl, and  first discovered Mills & Boon novels, I have been a hardcore romantic. I thought my life would follow the course of those Mills & Boons heroines, I thought I needed a partner to be happy and fulfilled.

Becoming single again, after four years of being a ‘couple’, has proven that is NOT to be the case.

Contrary to what I believed, I find myself happier than I can remember being in years. I find myself discovering new hobbies and pushing myself out of my comfort zone. I find myself becoming empowered, and learning not to settle for “just enough” or waiting “until the right one comes along”.

I find myself realising that I need to be happy with myself and my life as it is first, and not worry about finding someone to spend it with.

I find myself hopeful.

What If?

A few months ago, my partner and I of 4 and a half years made the decision to end our relationship. It wasn’t an easy decision and on my part especially, I felt a lot of fear. Fear, because I was in the land of the comfortably coupled, and now¬†found myself potentially facing the unknowns of single-dom.

What if I never found someone else again?

What if I had to start over?

What if this is the best I could get?

What if all relationships are like this?

What if I was making a mistake?

What if we could move past this?

What if? What if? What if.

Here is what is.

We can waste years of our lives stuck in the same rut, pondering those possible ‘what if’ scenarios – I know, because I stayed in a relationship that ended at least two years before we officially called it. This is not a grass is greener situation, but one where I ignored multiple red flags (and my gut instinct) to cling onto a relationship because I was afraid of starting over.

In my case, finally making the decision to face the unknowns is the best decision that I have made for myself. I haven’t found the answer to the ‘what if’ questions, but I do know this:

I am happier. My life is fuller. Everyday, I am growing as a person and learning more about myself as an individual. And I have no regrets.

Things may not always turn out for the best, but from each mistake comes a lesson. Perhaps an important ‘what if’ question to ask yourself is: What if I regret this?

As my dear millennials are fond of saying : YOLO (You Only Live Once).

A life filled with some mistakes is better than a life filled with regrets.

Sae xo