Time is My Enemy

This has been one of those weeks where every day has felt pretty full on, with evening classes or webinars most days of the week, multiple meetings and a ‘to-do’ list that keeps on growing.

It feels like I have been waging a constant battle against time – not just in terms of completing my daily tasks, but in terms of meeting life goals and of course, the dreaded ‘A’ word… aging.

At this stage in life, I thought I would have achieved so much more than I have; feel like I should have achieved so much more than I have. This feeling is exacerbated by social media where people barely out of their teens are making more money than I will likely see in a lifetime, settling down in dream homes, and/or have discovered the fountain of youth (Arden Cho, I’m looking at you).

All of this gives me a sense of urgency that I’m redirecting into writing, and checking off other items on my bucket list.

But there are some things where the only thing I can do, is wait – things like meeting The One, or finally landing that dream job – and some things I can’t fight – like aging, the consequence of living (a price I would willing pay, compared to the alternative!).

I had a dream the other night, where I had a whim to move into a new flat and abruptly acted on it. In that new flat, I felt so much regret! I kept thinking, “I’m not meant to be here yet” and kept longing to go back to where I had previously lived.

It was such a silly dream, but days later, it’s still stuck with me. I cannot help but wonder if this is God’s way of telling me not to rush; to use this season of waiting to work on my goals that I can achieve now, because when the time is right, He will lead me onto the next stage of my life, where I might not have the luxury of only having to care for myself.

If this is the case, then maybe I need to stop trying to fight time, and start appreciating each moment instead.

This week’s food for thought. 🙂

The Hustle

I’m the type of person who comes up with big ideas, and am super motivated to achieve them… for a period of time.

And then I revert back to my pre-gung ho lifestyle.

Maybe it’s lockdown induced boredom, maybe it’s a quarter life crisis, but lately, I’ve been making a concerted effort to actively work towards my goals, even when I don’t feel like it. I make sure I stay on track by creating a ‘to-do list’, and dedicating an hour or two to each goal per day – it sounds like a lot, but I make it work by cutting down on my hours of Netflix and YouTube (yes, my screen time was astronomical, but in my defence, they are both vortexes which warp all sense of time).

All my fellow “to-do-listers” out there will know the satisfaction of ticking off the little box – it managed to get me out of bed at 7am this morning for a run, such is its motivational power.

Another example? A couple of weeks back, I published a post about attempting to write a book; the target word count was 50,o00, but I dried up at around 40,000.

Well… I didn’t give up. After chipping away at it for the past few days, I managed to reach a word count of 53,000. It’s still a work in progress, but I’m currently editing it and hopefully can submit it to a publisher by the end of this month; and look – I’m a realist. It likely won’t get accepted, but my main goal is to just finish one manuscript before moving onto the next – because my main issue isn’t starting something, it’s finishing it.

If you’re currently working towards a goal too, then: 加油 (jiāyóu)!

This is a Chinese phrase of encouragement that means don’t give up, good luck, I’m rooting for you, etc – it basically encompasses every supportive phrase there is.

Hopefully one day in the future, we can look back on this moment and be thankful that the hustling has paid off! 🙂

#Goals

I’m not usually one for writing goals or New Year’s resolutions.

But this year, I had a feeling that something needed to change in my life; I needed to push myself outside of my comfort zone and expand my social circle, and this became the aim of 2021.

I’m only three months in, but in these months I have for the first time in my life:

– Gone to a social badminton event by MYSELF where I knew NO ONE

– Gone on a blind date

– Went to a games night (by myself again, knowing no one)

– Got asked for my number by a stranger (and initiated a coffee date!)

These things may not seem like major events, but as a shy, awkward introvert, let me tell you: they are!

Each event was scary (sweat inducing, anxiety causing, nervous laughter type of scary); but it is so worth it.