Grateful

And so ends another year… goodbye 2019.

As the year drew to a close, I felt underwhelmed to say the least.

Another year, where I felt nothing had REALLY changed – I did not feel like I had grown, or even achieved any of the goals I had so passionately set out to do at the beginning of 2019.

But then I did my nightly prayers, and I reflected not just on the past year but on the past decade. And I felt grateful.

I have a tendency to stress on things which lie ahead in the future, instead of focussing on the here and now. This tendency means that the majority of the time, I hone in on the small (and sometimes inconsequential details) which distracts me from seeing the bigger picture. But this reflection on the past decade allowed me to realise that even though nothing had seemed to change, in fact EVERYTHING had changed.

In the past decade, I have finished school, travelled to more destinations than I could have imagined, made new friends for life (and lost some too), moved out of home, gotten my first part time job, gotten my first full time job, moved cities, started dating, fallen in love, gotten promoted, had a career change, lived through a natural disaster, experienced the loss of a family member, witnessed my best friends wedding, lost who I am, and started to rediscover it…

And that’s just the things which immediately sprang to mind.

In the past decade, I have experienced so many things. I thank God and am so grateful to have the opportunity to live and learn and continue growing.

Here’s to 2020 and the next decade!! Que sera 🙂

Happy New Year!!

Time Flies

Hi Everyone,

It’s sure been a while, huh. With all good intentions, I had made it one of my goals to blog more this year, but I guess we can see how that panned out! One thing that I’ve learnt so far this year… New Year’s resolutions are not for me (you live, you learn).

Hopefully this year has been good to you all, and if not then I hope 2019 provides some redemption in the next couple of remaining months.

I was scrolling through some old Facebook posts and suddenly realised that it’s already November – phew! This year has flown by. Actually, it seems that as I get older, it seems that every year goes by faster – and this commodity called “time” seems to seep through to the bottom of the hour glass at greater and greater speed, until all you want is for it to slow down.

This feeling is at odds with what you feel when you’re a kid, waiting to “grow up” so that you can go live your life. Now, with the wisdom of hindsight, I wish I could go back and relive some of those moments in the past- and appreciate them, because each moment is fleeting.

But with this thought, I realise this: Because each moment is fleeting, we must appreciate the now: happiness does not come by living in the past or future, but by being thankful for what you have presently.

Easy to say, harder to do. But worth trying!!

Love,

Sae xo

Grandma

In loving memory of my grandma, who influenced me so much more than she ever knew.

I miss my grandma. She passed away earlier this year, and all I could think about was how I wish that I had spent more time with her, spoken with her, listened to her.

She was an amazingly strong, loving woman – not in the typical sense, and not to say that she didn’t have her flaws. All humans do. But she lived a long life, full of changes, and memories. She left the country that she was born in to come to a whole new place where she didn’t know the culture or speak the language, yet she still managed to thrive and raise her grandkids.

I miss the way she showed her love by telling us to eat more, to wear more clothes to stay warm, to be kinder to our parents. I miss the way she told us to make sure we kept our roots, to not forget Chinese because we are Chinese people.

I wish so much that I could tell her all these things at least once.

I wish so much that she could meet my future husband and kids.

I wish so much that she was still here.

Be kind to your elders, folks. Tell them how much you love them, and better yet show them.

Spend time with them, talk to them, listen to them.

They have so much wisdom, life lessons and love to give.

-Sae xo

 

 

 

Beauty

Lately I’ve been feeling pretty down and self-conscious about my looks. That’s what happens when you work in an industry where appearance is pretty much key (no it is not the modelling industry – actually it’s a bar). During my time there, I’ve noticed a couple of things, which although existed on my peripheral awareness previously, has never been more emphasised.

Continue reading “Beauty”

Friends

I need to stop focussing on  making new friends and appreciate the ones that I already have. It’s about quality not quantity 😉 

It’s true what they say about priorities – if someone or something is truly important, then the time will be made for them. Not to mention that time is the most precious thing that can be given to a person, as it is something which can never be taken back or replaced. 

Value my time. Spend it wisely. Spend it with the people I love. 

– Note to myself.

Hi guuuuuuys 🙈

Long time, no post Huh?? Sorry about that. Seemed to have lost my passion for this blog for a while. 

So. A few updates: Some readers may recall that I had a little crush a few months back… Well, I still have one but I’m too chicken to confess (haha). Sorrrrryyyyyy! 😛

BUT to be honest, right now it’s not my top priority. I’m finishing my university studies in a couple months time, so it’s really time to sort out what I want to do. On one hand, I want to start my career. On the other, I want to travel, explore…. And figure out what kind of career I want. It’s like a mid-life crisis.

My emotions right now are all over the place. I’m happy, sad, optimistic, anxious, dreaming, realistic… I wish I could just quit life and go to a deserted island somewhere and just CHILL 💁👣🌊☀️. If only, right?

Anyways, here’s a pretty good quote from Shonda Rhimes which is pretty relevant to how I feel right now: 


Enjoy 😉

Sae xo 

Calling Dr Love

Well, I might have a crush on someone… eeeek! HAHA, so this is good news and bad news – good news is that I’ve found someone who makes my heart go pitter patter, bad news is that my brain goes into “D’ooooh” Homer Simpson mode when he’s around. As I’m sure you can all conclude, this makes things very, well, awkward.

As I usually do when I feel uncomfortable in social situations, I withdraw into myself and have ended up ignoring him most of the time <(T.T)> This is so very opposite to what I really want to do – be a charming, funny person and get to know him better.

So: to any love doctors out there – any advice?

Feeling flustered,

Sae x

Relationships

Relationships are hard. Initiating, maintaining … It’s just hard. The thing about relationships – whether it be family, friends, lovers, enemies – is that as well as being hard, they are also transient. Someone who may be you bestest, closest confidante in high school may become someone who is a stranger to you in university.

Knowing all this, sometimes I wonder if relationships are worth all the effort and emotion which is invested in them. Like, what is the point if the relationship only lasts for a certain amount of time?

The thing is though, even a temporary relationship is better than no relationship. It’s better than feeling lonely and isolated, and provides a certain sense of social security. So we keep trying to connect to others.

It’s funny, but I’ve only just realised how important feeling this sense of belonging to a group (friends, family, etc) is after graduating highschool. In high school relationships were taken for granted – at least by me – because they formed with people as a result of the sheer amount of time you are forced to spend in other peoples presence. After high school, you no longer have that luxury and any relationship initiated is a result of the effort you put in.

This is particularly hard for someone like me who finds it very difficult to open up to people, thereby making it hard for people to get to know me and for me to get to know people. This is something I’m working on currently , and it’s been an emotional roller coaster to be honest. Sometimes I feel like I’m able to make great connections with others, bantering, laughing and joking. Other times I feel like I’ve taken a step back, and feel excluded and unliked.

But I am growing, and going to keep tying 🙂 All about attitude , people!

Sae xo