Every time I get an email alert telling me I have a new follower, I feel so tingly inside 🙂 Of course, it also leaves me confused as hell, because – considering this blog  has a grand total of 5 VIEWS –  I have no idea where you guys are coming from. But still, very very very grateful!!

This blog entry has a somewhat downer of a title. I tried to think of a more eloquent way to put it, but ‘downer’ seems to suit it perfectly, and also perfectly describes the way that I am feeling right now.

I just received a grade from my mid-term test, and discovered that I scored 56% (which translates as a C-grade at my university). Yes, this is a pass mark, so that’s one positive.

In all honesty, 2 years ago when I first started university, I would have been satisfied with that mark, because it was all that I expected of myself and all that I believed myself capable of achieving. There was no pressure for myself to get higher marks – at the beginning.

However, much to my delight and surprise, I ended up consistently getting grades in the A range and that’s when I started to worry about grades.

I got used to doing well, and others began to expect me to achieve. That’s what puts the most pressure on me -not trying to get a certain grade, but trying to get that grade because I want to live up to the expectations of others. I don’t want to disappoint them, or seem ‘lesser’ in their eyes. 

I have a lot more to say on this topic, but at the moment all these thoughts are jumbled up inside my head, and I don’t have the patience or mentality today to try work it out into a cohesive passage.

But, just a thought:  What is it that truly drives you? What is the reason behind your goal? 

Author: sae234

Snippets of life, awkward moments and random thoughts. Guest posts welcome! Follow me on Instagram for more content @sociallyawkwardetiquette

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