Job Hunting

I feel like I have made a lot of changes this year… new phone, new car, new wardrobe, new flat, new hobbies. Next up: new job.

Or at least, I’m trying to find a new job. Turns out, it’s a lot easier said than done, because after 13+ applications over a month of searching, I have only heard back from one company – and said company then ghosted me after a 30 minute phone screening.

It’s been a while since I’ve had so much trouble landing even an interview, and it makes me wonder what I am doing wrong. Am I asking for too much money, do I not enough valid experience, or is my CV and cover letter just not good enough?

The last time I faced this much rejection was just before I entered my current company, fresh out of university. I remember the same feelings of frustration and hopelessness as application after application was turned down. Eventually, those feelings morphed into desperation, leading me to apply for a customer service position at Company X (I had worked in far too many customer service roles throughout university, and was steadfastly against entering another).

Life has a way of working out though, because that customer service position at Company X was the best role I could have hoped for out of university; it was a foot in the door at a major company, was so much more than ‘just’ customer services, and put me under the wings of a mentor who helped elevate my career.

So, yes, I am feeling frustrated again as each application appears to be a dead-end.

But I’m also hopeful that something better is waiting around the corner, because when one door is closed, another opens.

As I’ve said before in a previous post, I just gotta have faith (and a little patience)!

Defining Figures

Last night, I was reading my friend’s journal (with her permission), and she was writing about a really good friend of hers who had passed away. She didn’t know him for very long, but nevertheless, their friendship was deep and his impact on her life lasting.

This made me realise a couple of things:

  1. The strongest friendships aren’t always the longest ones
  2. You never know what kind of impact you may have on someone’s life

Quite often, I take for granted the effect that a comment or gesture may have on someone else. Something that I say as a passing remark may be stuck on record in someone else’s head. Something I don’t even remember doing may be an everlasting memory for someone else.

This was a timely reminder.

Birthday

I had my birthday last week! Another year older, another year wiser, and another year closer to thirty.

In light of that, this week instead of writing random rambles, I’m going to share with you some of the best life advice I have come across so far. These are quotes that I have copied into the back of my journal, and refer to when I’m having a tough time; I hope they can give you the same amount of perspective as they give me!

1. This too shall pass

2. If you won’t worry about it in 5 years, don’t worry about it now

3. You won’t regret failure, but you will regret not trying

4. The only time you should look at someone else’s bowl is to make sure they have enough

5. Always follow your gut

6. If you’re unhappy, you don’t need to upturn your whole life. Instead, add small bits of happiness and eventually it will be one big chunk.

I don’t have the authors of these quotes unfortunately, but please comment if you know them or if you have any advice of your own to share.

Have a good week!

Sae x

Happenstance

Definition of happenstance: a circumstance especially that is due to chance

Meriam Webster Dictionary

Do you believe in timing? Not timing as in the scheduling of meetings, or dinner dates, but the right timing for things to happen in your life?

For me personally, I have experienced a number of events that seemed like happenstance at the time, but as I look back and reflect, make me think that maybe, it has more to do with the right timing.

One fairly recent example of this is my breakup with a long-term partner. We had been in a relationship for almost 5 years. Things weren’t perfect, but they weren’t awful – I could see myself getting married to him, starting a family with him, growing old together. In my heart though, I knew that we weren’t right for each other. We loved each other, but our viewpoints on life were so different that we argued as much as we laughed.

Why stay? Because we had been together for so long, that both my family and his family expected us to – that future I could see for us was in part the weight of the expectations set out for us. I was also afraid – afraid of disappointing our families, afraid of being single again, afraid of not finding love again, afraid of the unknowns.

One night though, I happened to check his phone. Something I have never done before. And I found a message that I wasn’t meant to see. Long story short, we broke up.

I was sad, and angry – some of the things I was afraid of also eventuated; both our families were upset, I was single and feeling alone, and I didn’t know what the future held (I still don’t).

What I also felt though, was a giant sense of relief – a feeling that everything would be okay, and that this was the right decision; of all the rollercoaster of emotions faced, never once have I doubted this or regretted the choice.

What does this have to do with the right timing?

I have one unbreakable rule in a relationship: no cheating. I trust easily, but break that trust, and I find it difficult to rebuild.

If I had broken up with my ex over any other thing or argument we had in the past, I know I would have wondered “what if?”. I would have been stuck in a cycle of regret, pining after a fantasy version of him rather than being able to view it with a clear perspective. Instead, I broke up with him at the right time under the right circumstance.

And now? Even though I sometimes feel impatient about what the future holds, I also have a deep-seated sense of peace that I am exactly where I am meant to be for this season of my life.

Life isn’t always made of happy moments, but it helps to be reminded that everything happens for a reason at the right time (or, if you believe in God, His plan).

Just have a little faith.

I Pray

Not often I write posts about religion… it’s a topic I usually deem as too private or controversial to discuss publicly.

But this blog has always been a diary of sorts, where I write about what’s on my mind. And recently, as I settle into my journey of becoming a Christian, that is God.

I have always believed in God. Always known that there is a higher being, something more to this world than can be explained by science or reason.

I was hesitant, though, to explore and join a “religion”. I still am, because in many ways, “religion” divides rather than unites.

As a Christian, I believe God is real. The Bible is real. But I do think religions are formed by human interpretations of The Bible. And because humans are flawed, this is has resulted in wars being fought, prejudices being created and punishments being passed in “the name of God”.

As a Christian, I belive that God is love and to leave the judgement to Him.

That’s why I pray for a world that has no wars.

I pray for a world where people can accept one another, regardless of religion, gender, ethnicity.

I pray for a world where we don’t harm one another, but instead help each other.

I pray for a world bathed in God’s prescence, a world of love.

I pray.

Sae xo

Lockdown #4

Lockdowns are frustrating.

You can’t meet with friends and family, you can’t get takeouts, supermarket queues are insane, and good luck with finding flour.

But with the bad, comes the good.

Lockdown can be a time of reflection – it’s forced me to slow down, and build new habits (sometimes out of sheer boredom).

It allows you to reconnect with friends and family, even via online chats and video calls.

It makes us appreciate the little things we used to take for granted.

That being said, stay safe everyone.

Whoops – Life…

I slipped off the bandwagon again… and stopped updating regularly (although long-time followers will likely be thinking that this blog has never been updated regularly, which would be correct).

The past week has been crazy busy; I packed up all my things and moved into a new flat, have had a social commitments, work and, oh yeah, we have gone back into lockdown due to a community Covid-19 outbreak. So that’s been fun.

Let’s start with the moving. After three years living in my previous flat, I have found a new home. It’s a bit further out from the city, but has all the necessary amenities nearby (supermarket, laundromat, cafe etc). It took me three days to deep clean the room, unpack and get settled in, but I am loving my room. It’s a lot nicer and gets a ridiculous amount of natural light during the day, which I cannot get over! Previous room was a dungeon in comparison. Of course, there’s the whole thing about getting to know the new flatmates, but that’s another post… 😉

Social commitments – the only thing I have to say about this is DO NOT arrange to have dinner and drinks out on the weekend that you move. I did this. It was a bad idea.

And lastly, Covid-19… I live in a place where we had a brief respite from the pandemic and had a semblance of ‘normal’ life. That illusion was shattered earlier this week as the news came out that there had been a community outbreak, prompting the decision to go back into lockdown. Lockdown always feels like someone has pressed the ‘pause’ button on life, but nonetheless, I am grateful that the government made this decision so that we could try and contain the virus once again. Sucks about the panic buying and queues at the supermarket though (never again will I take that for granted).

So that’s my life update.

Catch you all in a week!

Socially Awkward Social Life

Okay, so from my last few posts, you probably know that I went through a break up last year… and may be sick and tired of reading about it (oops).

So here’s a new chapter: getting a social life.

This time last year, I was sitting at home most nights and weekends, binging Netflix, eating chocolate, listening to sad songs and generally feeling lonely as f**k.

To give context, I entered into a long-term relationship pretty much the moment I moved cities, so my social circle was pretty limited; it involved my ex, his family, a couple of mutual friends, and a couple of work colleagues.

Yeah… with hindsight, I can see it wasn’t the best situation, but I got comfortable, and it meant I didn’t have to go through the rigmarole of making new friends when I:

a) find it an anxiety inducing activity to meet new people

b) find it difficult to make small talk, let alone keep an entire conversation flowing with a virtual stranger

c) have the hobbies (and as much recent pop-culture knowledge) as a 60-year old, making said conversation flow even more difficult

Yet, five years later, I found myself needing to rebuild (or rather finish building) my social circle. Here’s what I discovered though :

  • You don’t necessarily have to meet new people – you can deepen the relationships you already have

Small chats in the kitchen, drama-binging sessions in the living room, spontaneous after-work dinners.

Little by little, I got closer to the people around me and my world expanded, my friendships strengthened.

Little by little, I felt connected again.

Little by little, I am starting to live my best socially awkward life 🙂

Happy

When I was 22 years old, I got my first “proper” boyfriend.

When I was 26 years old, I experienced my first “proper” heartache.

At 27 and a half years old, I realised; life has no “proper” timeline.

Ever since I was a young girl, and  first discovered Mills & Boon novels, I have been a hardcore romantic. I thought my life would follow the course of those Mills & Boons heroines, I thought I needed a partner to be happy and fulfilled.

Becoming single again, after four years of being a ‘couple’, has proven that is NOT to be the case.

Contrary to what I believed, I find myself happier than I can remember being in years. I find myself discovering new hobbies and pushing myself out of my comfort zone. I find myself becoming empowered, and learning not to settle for “just enough” or waiting “until the right one comes along”.

I find myself realising that I need to be happy with myself and my life as it is first, and not worry about finding someone to spend it with.

I find myself hopeful.